I feel like this sometimes

Like a little ineffectual, inefficient, lost, somehow trapped in my position in life and the things that define me are just a kind of costume and an exaggerated one at that, and like a lot of people I tell my mom that I love her and I make funny faces when I'm concentrating on something, but I feel like this and I bet it would be more helpful if more people laughed at what I was saying and doing or at least, if people paid me to make balloon animals for them at company picnics and events in the park. I love the way this works when things aren't working. I like the way I feel when I don't feel anything. This is a balloon animal of the endangered Asian Moon Bear and this indent here is where he's been tapped for bile harvesting. This one is a puppy. And this is a giraffe. Like at least that would be a skill. I'd like to be called kooky by strangers and I'd like for them to mean it, without any sense of irony or self consciousness. Does this make sense? Are we recording things. Look at me and you and the sweat stains I left on the shirt you lent me.